Warning...rambling...

As I write this at 10:30 at night (after Dotty has gone to bed very early because she only had a 30 minute nap today and she bumped her head so hard she cried herself to sleep and Tony is asleep b/c his first day of school was today and that always wipes him out) I am reminded of how little personal time mothers or perhaps just women in general get.

I started this blog b/c I thought it would be a nice way to let people know about Dotty and the happenings in my family without having to blast out an email everytime and send it to those who may or may not want to read it. After a few posts though I have a feeling this may be a combo of Dotty updates and therapy for me.

Being a new mom is hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I am always tired, always wondering what I should be doing for Dotty that I am not doing, always wondering if Tony and I will ever talk about the stuff we used to (those things that did not involve poopy diapers, who had to get up the most the night before and what we would like to do but can't b/c we have already asked out parents to watch Dotty too much this week).

I worry I am not being a good mother, wife, daughter, friend, employee, person....

I worry I will forget all the cute and funny things Dotty has done b/c I did not catch it all on film (still or otherwise)...

I worry I will never get Dotty's baby book finished...

I worry I will never start Dotty's baby book...

I worry....

But then as I write this I realize that I am sure many women/moms are worried about the same thing (or have at one point in their lives). I know my mom never did a baby book for me and I still think she is a great mom. I know several of my friends who have told horror stories about their ealy days as moms and their kids have not gone to jail or on Oprah yet. I look at all the moms I know and think everyone of them is doing a pretty good job...or at least the best they know how to do. I have learned lessons from them and I have learned a few good jokes too. I hope some day I can pass on valuable (or at least humorous) information to a new mom too.

Motherhood is the best job I have ever had...and the hardest. I don't get paid for it (unless you count goofy grins, slobbery kisses, reaches for hugs, and snuggles in sleep...all of which are priceless). I have not gotten a lot of publicity for it (except for when Tony thanks me for Dotty or my family and friends say I am doing a good job or when Ruth Ann says she is happy to have me as a daughter-in-law...all of this means more to me than any award or write up in the paper). Motherhood has really not improved my looks. I have bags under my eyes from sleepless nights (I also have the joy of knowing that when Dotty cries sometimes she just wants her mommy to hold her). My hair is usually up in a sloppy pony tail b/c I did not have time to wash it (mainly b/c I had to give Dotty a bath and it was too fun to watch her splash around so I hated to make her get out so I could have a turn). My clothes are still two sizes bigger than what I would like them to be (b/c I love to eat...sorry no cute Dotty story here).

I may never be on Regis and Kelly as one of the world's greatest moms, I may never get rich off of some wonderful idea I had on how to survive motherhood (but I spend a lot of money on other people's ideas), and I may never win a beauty contest as the best looking mom on the block. On the other hand as long as Dotty thinks I am great then I will be rich in ways money could not buy and I will be happy in ways no contest could make me.

It is funny how when I started this blog I was very down and now...not so much. I may even go to sleep with a smile on my face...of course Dotty will cry an hour later but I have a feeling it will be okay then too.